Category: humour

Funny Scottish Epitaphs – the Sorbie Soldier

Here lies removed from mundane scenes, A major of the King's Marines, Under arrest in narrow borders He rises not till further orders. Raymont Lamont-Brown: Scottish Epitaphs. Chambers, Edinburgh, 1990

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Dalserf hogback stone

Dalserf kirk and kirkyard

Upper Clydesdale is geographically determined by the River Clyde, the longest river in the United Kingdom. It has contributed much to the industrialization of the region; the model city of New Lanark personifies that like no other. But away from the industrial centres, Lanarkshire is quiet and pretty. There is something to discover everywhere. Dalserf... Continue Reading →

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whisky and gold

Funny Scottish epitaphs: Tom Purdie   On the death of his favoutite servant, Sir Walter Scott (1771 -1832) joined the long tradition of composers of funny Scottish epitaphs: Here lies one who might be trusted with untold gold But not with unmeasured whisky.   Raymond Lamont-Brown: Scottish Epitaphs. Chambers, Edinburgh,1990

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Knott funny

funny Scottish epitaphs - Mr Knott from Perth Here lies a man who was Knott born; His father was Knott before him. He lived Knott, and he did Knott die, Yet underneath this stone doth lie. Knott christened, Knott begot. And here he lies, and yet was Knott. Raymond Lamont-Brown: Scottish Epitaphs. Chambers, Edinburgh,1990  

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sudden death oddly brought on

Here lies alas! poor Roger Norton, Whose sudden death was odly brought on! Trying one day his corns to mow off, The razor slipped and cut his toe off! The toe, or rather what it grew to, The part then took to mortifying. Which was the cause of Roger's dying. From a Churchyard near Greenock... Continue Reading →

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a captain’s sense of romance

Here we lie in a horizontal position like a Ship laid up, stripped of her sails and rigging. St Andrews Cathedral Churchyard On a Ship's Captain and his Wife Raymond Lamont-Brown: Scottish Epitaphs. Chambers, Edinburgh,1990

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death by pownie

Here lies a man o' micht, His name was Donald Downie: He lost his life ae market nicht By fa'in aff his pownie. Aged 37 years Cullen Graveyard, Banffshire   Raymond Lamont-Brown: Scottish Epitaphs. Chambers, Edinburgh,1990

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on an empty grave

Here lies Nothing. The impious Resurrectionist At night dared to invade This quiet spot, and upon it Successful inroads made. And when to relatives the fact Distinctly did appear. The stone was placed to tell the world, There's Nothing resting here.   A headstone placed on a grave where a snatched body should have been.... Continue Reading →

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